Saturday, February 19, 2011

Insane in the Membrane

First of all : HAPPY MOTHER LOVIN SPRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Second of all : Is it too early to wear no socks?

Thirdly : HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY SPRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

February truly is my favorite month of the year. Besides it being the month of my Psychological Spring, it is the month of LOVE! I gotta admit: I do love "the love" people. A friend of mine the other day said something that made me tilt my head to the side:

"You know Hales, for such a commitment-phobic-dude you really do love, love"

I was mildly offended. First of all, I am not a "dude" (for the record she was calling me a penis) Secondly, I don't feel I am scared of commitment. I'm scared of all the irresponsible, immature, not very bright, left-overs that Saint John has to offer. I can't commit to something/somebody that has been left in the fridge for a month but shoulda been thrown out on date (er I mean DAY) two. What's love got to do with any of THAT? I mean lets be real. I know there are plenty of "great guys" out there, but none of them are breakin down my door. All you happy little "marrieds" are always the ones saying there are plenty of "great guys out there" What the fuck do you know suzy home-makers?! Please excuse my bitter tone.

I really do Love the LOVE!

Valen-times was/is amazing. My house is in full V-Day/Spring Mode. I did up all my little Valentines (elementary school style) made treat bags, pulled out my red dress, made heart shaped eggs for breakfast. At work we had a yummy muffin brunch. I recieved lots of flowers and cutesy little things that make me happy. I had an A-mazing dinner with a few of my best friends - Wine - butter chicken - gossip - chocolate - Yes!

It even warmed up a bit and melted lots of the the dirty dog shitty snow!

So with all this wonderball Spring n' love shiz goin down why can't I sleep? Terrible intro I know. I seriously haven't slept through the night in a month. We are talkin a 2 hour average. If I really hop myself up on the narcs I can squeeze out 4 hours, but end up wonky-whackified the next day. Frick. I've tried all the tricks. Warm bath, reading, meditation, porn. Nothing works. On week two (right before V-Day) I went to the Pharmacist begging for a natural remedy. She hooked me up with Melatonin pills. Bullshit. Sooo I'm now trying these jumbo vitamin B's that I take in conjunction with the Melatonin. Nothin. I really wish I hadn't abused Nyquil in my earlier years caue even that won't make me snooze anymore. I write lists before bed, I've gotten massages, I have bought myself the best sheets I can afford. My life isn't that stressful. I can't figure it out.

So anyway. No sleep has turned me into a monster. A cookie monster AND a bitch faced monster. I laugh at things that are not that funny (aka the old lady who slips crossing the street)I cry at things not worth crying about (bathroom stall at work = rock bottom) I'm not even matching my panties to my bra these days. Don't even start on the cookies. I actually laid in bed tonight (watching Greys and Private Practice) and mauwed down chips, dip, cookies and coffee cake for phattie sakes! I'm so over-tired I catch myself just sitting in my car not remembering where I'm even going. I hate the people I love the most. I'm grumbly. I'm a bit of a hater really. I don't like it one bit. How do you ass holes even survive?! being a miserable human sucks ballsagna (balls-on-ya)

My brother left me a message at work the other day and it went something like this:

"Heyyy Hale-laa, Mom told me you have lost your smile. I'm happy to hear it. You were too damn happy before and it was pissin everyone off. A shot of reality will do you good. Guess what? I've been called for jury duty. They pay 50 bones a day PLUS transportation. Thats almost like a JOB. Get some sleep so you can get back to being the silly goof ball we all hate - and I'll keep you posted as I slip into the depths of depression"

What a sweetheart. This did make me laugh until I cried in my office cube. Then I REALLY started crying and had to go sit in the stall for a few minutes. On my way back to my "cube" I realized half of the office has those "sun lamps" like the "anti depresant D lights" on full blast. Jumpin Jesus, maybe February isn't so great. Is everyone depressed, not sleeping and eating mass amounts of chips ahoy? Hmm.

I still love the Love, and have a feeling next week will be better. Oh and that old chick wiping out on the street was fucking hilarious. Tired or not.

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