Monday, January 25, 2010

Crazy? Theres something so pleasant about that place...

So, I'm pretty sure I'm on the verge of a nervous break down.

Know when you hear one of "those songs" and you just burst into tears? If you are a normal functioning adult you probably don't...but I do! Earlier it was some gay Seal re-make and I just exploded into this salty snotty mess. I mean, SEAL for fuck sakes. Even Rod Stewart would be more acceptable.

On the other hand, it might be because I had the kind of dreams last night that make you wake up sobbing. Again, if you are a normal functioning adult, you probably don't have those either...but...I do!

Was I dreaming of super scary mean monsters or an excruciating death?

Nope. I dreamt about.... Babies.

Yup. Babies, Infants, Mini aliens.... I won't get into specifics, but when I woke up at 3am I was terrified. I had to get up and make toast in an effort to calm the frick down. (ended up tripping over the dog and waking up my parents which was pretty humiliating in itself, buuut anyhow) I mean, maybe this is the after shock of that pint of Vodka I consumed on the weekend?

I suppose to a normal, functioning adult this doesn't seem so frightening, however this is ME and although I enjoy small children (sort of)...babies wonk me out. Know how many times I have heard "Oh you are going to be such a wonderful Mother" Jesus Christ, just because I can make Play-Dough and um, I dunno, HAVE A VAGINA does NOT exactly make me eligible for Mother of the Year. I mean, a constant TICKING in a girls ear is enough to make anyone pull a Lohan right?

I'm not saying I wanna run out and register at Babies R Us, but I'm just saying maybe they're not SO disgusting. What IS disgusting however, is that pint of Vodka and still using "upper hand" as your main dating tactic. Maybe, that's what this is really about. OR maybe it's because I am still primarily living with my parents and have to go back to (physical) rehab in a week.

I mean, really....compared to most I have NOTHING to complain about, but something tells me nervous break downs don't really discriminate eh? I don't think it helps that I am lying in bed with a cat....Crazy Town here I come....

Thursday, January 14, 2010

No you can't always get what you want...

So here we are - 2010. A brand new year. Too bad we are our old selves.

Resolutions are for losers. Lets face it. I chose to only make ones I can keep, if any at all.
The fitness resolutions make me chuckle. Everyone in Saint John is fat. Get over it. Seriously though. It's the peeps that tie on their brand new kicks January first with a baggie full of organic broccoli that are en route to a break down mid February. Being a horrible person, it makes me smile. Another popular one is "volunteering" - what a great thing - but I generally find such people just like "volunteering" the info that they are gonna be such a great humanitarian. Ps. That really gets you no points, and if anything makes SO much worse than me.

I'm not hatin on self improvement though. Lets just be realistic. Here is my list for 2010. Make fun of me all you want:

1. I vow to be more diligent in checking my voice weekly is a bit slack?

2. While on the topic of telecommunications, I will also try to not screen your call... every time you call.

3. If I REALLY don't like you, I'm NOT going to be friends with you. Save the drama for your Mama - I'm over it.

4. I will learn to make at least two meals this year. (They don't have to be healthy OR fancy)

5. No more tanning beds. EVER. This Danny Tanner is DONE with the fake n bake.

6. No more "Dofers" (If you don't know what this means then good for fucking you)

7. If I need some help - I'm just gonna ask. If I wanna cry - I'm gonna sob... If I love you - I'm gonna say so (this excludes the Podiatrist) AND If I want a freakin cookie - I'm gonna have two.

8. I will watch Mama Mia at least 5 more times.

9. I am going to attempt to like (un battered) shrimp.

10. Rather than hitting the snooze button seven times every work day morning I'm aiming for twice.

That's all I got.