Friday, January 21, 2011


A snow-cation on a Friday is alright I guess hey? (24 days until HP saucy crazyballz spring!)

Bikini-Bootcamp has commenced. Day two - Brutes. No sugar/No Flour/No Booze. Super Brutes. I'm not going to whine or complain. Looking good for "the average" is hard work! Getting "old" is a bit of a downer in the appearance department. The "radiance" doesn't come so easily...Speaking of that, not to be a huge bitch-face, but I wish all you "January Gym Go-ers" would do us alllll a favor and just go HOME. It was reallllly annoying, last night, when I had to wait for a cardio machine. I had a nail appointment to get to god dammit! I know this IS really bitchy (I didn't really have a nail appointment - that's tomorrow - ha ha - no really) I realize am the last person who should be complaining. Considering I have spent the better part of this month BALLS OUT EMO binging on ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. I think resolutions can be a positive self upper! no matter how ridiculous and phony baloney! Howevs, it IS a bit embarrassing for human-kind yes? I wouldn't join a gym in January on hurtin unit principle alone. Walk around the block at 6am (it'll be dark so no one will see your puffy shamed face)write in gratitude journal all you want, but please don't take my elliptical you January gym goer!

**all those "I's" in there were not a poor grammar accident. I also assume it is completely obvi I could give a shizzle about "run on sentences"**

I should add - My "Bikini-Bootcamp" has NOTHING to do with the month. It also really doesn't have (that) much to do with a bikini. My work-place is having a "weight loss challenge" Sweet dirty Cashola is involved. I CAN NOT pass up free money. A skinnier ass is just a bonus. It is based on percentage - mostly donut eating middle aged men are involved - ahh victory will be sweet. I may or may not have spent the week before gaining as much weight as humanly possible (8lbs of pure joy bitches!) you know, to have the highest "start weight" I also may or may not HATE my life, for the next 2 months, all for 400 bones. Meih. A competition is a competition. Why focus on why you get paid - your actual JOB - when you can maliciously con your work mates into getting fatter?!?!!

While on the topic of Bikini's....I did receive a 40% off coupon in the mail this week for...wait for removal. Oh, tramp stamp Why? I'm just not sure I trust a chick fresh outta beauty school with a tazer. Then again, I trusted a strung out fully inked and pierced dude to mutilate my body...but that was 10 years ago. PLUS is a lower back scar actually worse than the actual stamp? Maybe I should just own the ink. Free pass to tramp it up. I got a stamp sweetheart - Ima VIP. Researching Removal ASAP.

Yeah, I get Microdermabrasion and Laser hair removal too. Fuck you low maintenance girls! I'm calling bullshit on all of you. I just did a re read and realized how ridiculous this all sounds....I understand there are bigger problems in the world. I just don't want to blog about them. Isn't that what CNN is for? ;)

Happy no sugar/no flour/no booze weekend!

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