I found this little gem in my "drafts" I actually wrote it LAST Winter but must have forgotten to post. Nearly a year later, it still rings true :)
So I was walkin around "The Plaza" the other day...yeah, "The Plaza". I was in serious need of some North End garlic fingers and well... ya do what ya gotta do. I'm tellin you what, If you are ever feelin down on yourself just take a scoot over to Landsdowne place and I promise within 5 minutes you will breathe a sigh of relief that...fuck, you ain't THAT bad.
So I go in to place my order. Behind me is this young girl in ripped up fleecey jammy pants with orange-maybe it was once- blonde hair. She has a dirty stroller with a poor little tot up in it. She was yelling in her cell phone about some guy named Danny and how she "just don't give a shit" about some girl named Carla. I'm here for some garlic fingers, but I really just want to take the poor little baby and run. I don't even like babies. I decide to not wait around to see what happens between Carla and Danny and go next door the the Dollar Store.
It's sweaty, packed and smells like Pert Plus mixed with some Players Lite. I always wonder why poor people are always so fat. I know vegtables are expensive but how are you affording that much McDonalds? Metabolism my ass! I grab some gum and am told I can't use debit for under $10. I didn't have any change so had to leave without my Trident. Well, who looks like the bum now?
On my way back to pick up my garlic fingers this dude with a smoke tucked behind his ear gives me a "hey baby whats up" I did a half smile and quicky got the hell outta dodge. This type of encounter always pisses me off. WHY is it always the douche bags throwin out the pick up lines?!!! Do they feel like they have nothing else to lose?!!! Do they think I am one of them?!!!!!!! (gasp!) and lets just go back to the smoke behind the ear thing. W T F?!! We are living in 2010 and you are pullin THAT fashion statement??! God, if you must be so disgusting at least put it in your pocket....or case? I mean is it really that much easier access to have it behind your EAR?? This really got me going.
I get back to the pizza place. Orange haired little Mama is still there. She is feeding the babe donair meat. I'm pretty sure that donair meat makes hot dogs look organic and fresh right? Who feeds their off-spring donair meat? (Or maybe this was Carla's kid??) I get my Garlic Fingers - with 2 donair sauces! and pray that my debit will work here. It do. I find my car (yes, find) and drive away blastin the Luda. I'm so Plaza, So Blvd, and baby I didn't even know it.
Ps. I haven't forgotten to take my birth control since.