Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Lemon Cake on a Tuesday

Tuesday has always been my "off day" I don't want to say "most hated" but I feel about Tuesday the way most feel about Monday. Always have. I recognize every day is what you make it, and by having this preconceived notion that such day will be "off" makes it so, but whatEV.

This morning did not disappoint. Due to the fact I forgot my cell phone (and am stuck in rehab for life because even my land line won't let me dial out) I was freaked to the max all night that I wasn't gonna wake up (I don't mean stop breathing - cell is my alarm clock) However I did wake up only because I must have been so jacked I woke up pretty much every hour on the hour.

7Am : Muttered the type of shit that would make a trucker blush. Realized I forgot to pre make my coffee, this makes me extremely ugly. Limped out to the kitch, waved at the construction boys, proceeded to spill coffee grinds all over the floor. Meih, left em there.

7:15: Grabbed Bose, switched on some serious show tunes. Figured that would make me smile. Sorta worked. Chugged Coffee, Poured another cup.

7:25: Got in the shower, sang show tunes. Just when I was starting to perk up, the shower curtain was RIPPED OPEN. I nearly fell over. It scared me SO BAD, I am certain permanent damage was done. It's a nurse yelling "Are you ok?!?!?!" I was like "Sweet Fuck now I'm not!!!!!" Apparently I must have hit the emergency call bell when getting in the shower. Wonderful. Apologized to nurse. Felt like a huge ass. She left. Caught my breath, laughed and went back to show tunin'

7:35: Conditioning my hair -still in shower. I hear: "Are you ok?!!!!!" (this time the shower curtain stayed intact) Certainly I must be going mentally insane?!! Ends up the last nurse forgot to "turn off" my alarm. Now there are three of em standing in my bathroom. Jesus Christ really?!! REALLY? WHO ELSE DOES THIS SHIT HAPPEN TO?!!! Anyway, not a big deal. My goodies have now been exposed to pretty much the entire building (between this episode and the nude scenes in the gym) I am in rehab after all. Dignity is for boring regulars. Maybe I'll just make out with the janitor to top it all off.

7:45: Still in shower. Not laughing. Mildly disturbed.

8:00: Got dressed, decided not to do my hair, heck not even brush it - pulled it back. Make- up is a waste of time these days, but I did opt to brush my teeth.

8:30 (Yes I am a slow dresser) Checked Facebook. Super Lame. I am going to have to make this a whole other blog. I hate people. I also hate that I am probably just like the people I claim to "hate". Hmm. Denial? Lets be friends. Emailed K-Dob to ask her to text my brother to tell him that his sister is a huge goof ball idiot and forgot her cell - could he please send an SOS or something so I don't have to live here forever. Bit dramatic maybe but I have nothing else.

9:00: Drag my ass to the "Gym". McRehab is there looking stunningly gorgeous. I am so grumpy I don't even get a flutterbug (like in my tummy) He waves and yells a "Good Morning Sunshine!" I wonder if the nurses told him they all saw me naked in the shower this morning? This is a VERY small hospital...Sure he knows. Well, drama is drama. Grinned.

9:05: Strapped into the recumbent bike when this chick in a wheely starts talking about how she watched "The Hangover" on the weekend. I'm not gonna lie, my first thought was "HOLY SHIT, PEOPLE IN WHEELCHAIRS KNOW HOW TO TALK?! AND THEY WATCH FUNNY MOVIES?!!" This chick also happens to be African American. I don't know about ya'll but have you ever met a black cripple?!! (Please note: I am aloud to say this because I am one. Not an African American but a cripple, so stop gasping)

9:15: Gettin Sweaty on the recumbent Bike. Ashamed to be THIS outta shape. Still talking to Afro wheely chick. She is working on her PhD in Stats. Wow. I am a huge ass hole.

9:30: Stretching on the mat with Mini Mite. She laughs and asks me if I am ok. Have baby powder all over the bum of my black yoga pants. Nice.

10:30: Want to die. Anke hurts. Wish I brushed my hair cause McRehab won't stop the small talk. Physio student (SUPER cute, but might be 18 and really, at some point ya gotta draw the line) offers to let me use his cell to call my brother. Nate lovingly called me a "Douche Bag" Loud enough that I KNOW he heard. Meih. At least now I will get outta here at some point.

11:00: Went to the cafeteria. WRONG MOVE. I literally never go in there. I have my own healthy choices in my "suite" I have no will power when it comes to Chicken Fingers and Cookies. Plus the point of 'Hab is to get better NOT fatter. Did I mention all the stuff in the Cafeteria is FREE to patients?!! mmhmmm (Yay Medicare!) Of COURSE they had CAKE. Like fluffy delicious lemon cake iced with butter cream perfection. FUCK.

11:30: Woofed down cake with another cup of coffee. Back in room. Feel bad about not feeling bad AT ALL and consider going up to get another piece. Knock on the door. Janitor delivering Towels. Imagined him naked. Not bad. Imagined kissing him (not naked!) Hmm. Not so bad either. Remembered the LINE. (He must be 45 ish) then again, it would't be considered rape, and he's kinda cute in the rough " I like Nascar" sorta way. Hmm. Decide there will be no kissing and I am not going to get another piece of cake.

12: Typing Blog. This is getting too long. If something miraculous happens this afternoon I will update. Pretty doubtful but I am open to anything....maybe even kissing the janitor.

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