The other day, a friend of the male variety, advised me I am "emotionally unavailable". Interesting. Got me to thinking: DING DING DING?!?! He went on to use words such as: guarded, self destructive, game player....
This led me to question his sexuality. What a pussy right?!!
Regardless, I have taken a few days to let this marinate. Sink in. Mr. Sensitive couldn't possibly be correct?!! Coined the social genius (self coined that is) I get it. I know I take upper hand to the extreme...I guess it comes down to insecurity. I hate to use that word (it actually HURTS me to type) However in an effort to be real here, what am I so afraid of?! I turn off any emotion, drink ungodly amounts of vodka (don't even get me started on the smokes) and if the mood strikes, I might even bang you senseless. (Gosh can I say that on the Internet? Sorry Mom, MIGHT being the keyword) Wow. You better watch out cause , God forbid, I actually like you not only will I pretend you don't exist but if/when forced into conversation I'll make sure to put you down in the worst back handed "no offence" kinda way. Woah. If you're REALLY lucky I'll make out with your best buddy right in front of you (after said Vodka) Classssy. What a catch I am. Horrifying! Fear of rejection is supposed to be a guy thing right?! I mean I get the whole "No Daddy syndrome" AKA Screw anything that walks lookin for love....Thankfully NOT my issue, but where do I get off thinking THIS is any better?!! My Vag may be a bit cleaner but mentally am I not just as effed?!?!
I don't even have any 'woe is me stories' My past BF's/dates/Do's....have been nothing but, um, respectful and decent. It's not like I can use the "I have been hurt and therefore am jaded" excuse. I really do like myself.
SO W T F?!!!!
In closing, Once you know better, you do better (says Oprah) So maybe a specific reason (like um, insecurity) isn't needed. I'll lose the UHS (upper hand syndrome) and play nice already.
I wanna prove you RIGHT Gaylord Focker! (and no I will NOT bang you senseless)
XOXO
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