Wednesday, September 30, 2009


I know I'm a huge loser. Acceptance is the first step. I divorced cool in 1999 and haven't looked back. I mean LOSER is a strong word. (I know I always back peddle - it's a habit I am not interested in breaking) I think I have major life skills. I guess I just don't give a shit about what's "socially acceptable". I'll never hurt your "feelings", or do something that may make the masses uncomfortable (however I do forget how uptiiiiiiiiiiiight some humans can be, gosh) If it feels good dooooooooo it - just not at the expense of others right?

Picture this: Me, Yoga pants that shockingly make my bum look half hot, Bare faced -not even chap stick- Sex hair (minus the sex) aka insanely wavy and crazy due to the fact I swear to jebus I woke up in a SAUNA (I can't work the GD heat and that is another issue) and in walks J Crew meets LL Bean McRehab. (Squeal!) I didn't even try to tone down my giddy grin. He came over and introduced himself. I quote " I had to come meet the new girl who drew a heart beside her name" SHIT. I was like "Well I'm happy you did" Immediately I regret this response as it was FAR too flirty for rehab. I think? Anyway he went on to be like "You are down in the independent living suite right" (Holy Fuck! -I know he was just making small talk, but in real life I would have sensed a pick up move) I resisted the urge to advise him I was free all afternoon....So, I mean, you might be reading this thinking, well BIG DEAL. Well kiss my ass. You haven't been cooped up living with your parents for the past two months never associating with the general public. I take what I can. Again, Acceptance is key. Anyway he did some medical chit chat with my physio chick and she says (I swear I am not making this up) "She has the tightest hips I have ever seen with blah blah blah (it was some long word I don't have the skills to reiterate or regurgitate or somethin)" OH MOTHER EFFIN GEEE. I mean funny to ME cause I was thinkin in thug speak (my second language) that's HOT. Obviously that's not what she meant right? but I got a kick. I glanced at Sex on a Stick and he was bein all business. He left shortly after a "Nice to meet you Miss Haley" (Big toothy white smile) Hmm. Not sure about how I feel about the "Miss Haley" thing. He looks to be around 30ish, I think he knows he's hotalicious. I ain't mad at it. I did a smile and wave combo. Didn't want any more slip ups.

Later I am on the recumbent bike (quite a site with the moonboot) and they have some tunes playing. I'm diggin it, groovin and what not. To my INSANE AMUSEMENT what song comes on? Let me rap it out for ya:


(don't trust me - 3OH!3)

I couldn't hide the shock/joy/ ironicy (not a word -don't care) of this whole scene. I am in a gym filled (for the most part) with seniors - All disabled in some way - This IS rehab, (not the Good Life Fitness Center) and here we are workin out to some ass hole rappin about poor Helen Keller?! I LOVE IT!!!! I looked around to see the reaction. Only one 60+ dude gave me a half hearted thumbs up.

Let the FUN Begin!!

No comments:

Post a Comment