Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Hate-orade, Hate-cation, Hate-ville, Hate-isms.

My attitude has taken a wrong turn.

I usually can get myself back to my "happy place" in a matter of minutes, hours, or sometimes it takes a few days - but I have been in a bad way for a few weeks now. I don't know how people live like this - It's terrible. Depressed might be too strong of a word, but this is a definite funk that I'm not down with. I'm almost happy that the weather has been brutes because being miserable in the sunshine (especially in Saint John) is like wearing pantyhose 2 sizes too small. Fucking tragic.

My grumbly mumbles, cranky pants, and jump-out-the-window-itus, is a bit of a downer - yes, however! Lets make the best of this little shiteroo and take some time to make fun of others not as awesome as the rest of us shall we?

This is what I hate about others and the world in general - this week:

1. Over-ly Cheery "Morning People" - I'm happy you CLEARLY got laid a mere hour ago, but I think you can tell, from my forced smurk, that I didn't. So really, just lock it up already and let me get my coffee in peace.

2. People who honk at my best friend for stalling her boyfriends standard - that she never drives. If you had half of a brain (in your Mother's Sunfire) you would realize she didn't PURPOSELY "stall" in the middle of the busy intersection. You, honking your horn, like a rude and ignorant prick, isn't going to get the car in gear AND it only confirms for everyone (with three quarters of a brain) that your mother owns your balls and you have little to no, dick. Pardon me.

3. Arrogant old ladies who refer to getting engaged as "getting your diamond" - that burns me a bit. No offence to my engaged and married friends, but it's not like you EARNED it. Like getting your degree for example (I didn't earn one of those either) It's like you are in a higher class because you "Got your diamond" Shouldn't it be about two people wanting to make a commitment to each other? I like how no one really supports that any more...and so I digress.

4. People who can only be happy if they "got a deal" or people who have to justify buying things because they were "on sale" or people who think they are SO CLEVER because they paid less than you. I am all over Tooney Tuesday and the BoGo's right, but come on people! Get a life. Sometimes pinching pennies and looking for the best deal sucks the fun right out of the situation. People don't care that you saved 14 cents on the chicken at the Superstore. I for one, ESPECIALLY DON'T CARE. Oh and here is another thing - if you buy me a present from the dollar store as an adult - and think I don't know it came from the dollar store - you are sorely mistaken.

5. People who like to tell me how many calories and fat grams are in carrot cake when I am trying to enjoy it. I mean, REALLY?

6. People who get all bent out of shape over "titles" and speaking to certain people differently depending on their "professional status" - last time I checked we all poop. I speak to the janitor the same way I speak to the CEO. I might not tell the same stories of course, but I don't reserve special "tone" for anyone. I can't believe this still goes on - but it does, and it's stupid and often creepy.

7. Middle aged men who feel the need to comment on my fashion choices. Your wife has to pick out your underwear in the morning. You know NOTHING about the art of "mis matching-matching" So do me a favour and go back to doing what you are good at - whatever that happens to be.

8. I hate that when all is said and done my Mother always ends up being right. Being the lovely and graceful woman she is - never throws it back in my face - I might hate that even more, because sometimes I deserve it.

9. I HATE people who feel the need to put in their "two cents" on everything. Things most of the time, they know nothing about. People, that always want to "one up" you, people who always want the "last word" Ugh. Fuck off already. OH, and I hate parents who yack on about how their ADULT children are the second coming of Christ. This is only acceptable with pre-schoolers. I mean, I actually KNOW your "kids" - who are you kidding? They are as fucked up as I am, and trust me are not perfect.

10. I hate smokers who think non smokers are stuck up, I hate those plastic baby stroller covers, I hate people who get visibly annoyed in the long line at the grocery store, I hate people that walk super close behind you and don't just pass, I hate people who rev their engines at stop lights, I hate june bugs, I HATE people who only speak to hear their own voices, I hate having to budget, I HATE people who just say what they think YOU want to hear ALL THE TIME, I hate that I haven't done laundry in 3 weeks.

Night Night!

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