Thursday, June 2, 2011

Chunky Monkeys Make More Love

Soooo I spent the entire month of May eating Carrot Cake -BATHING- more like it, in deliciously orgasmic cream cheese icing. One week, I went to the same restaurant THREE times - I told the owner I was on a binge.

Now that we are moving into June, none of my clothes fit, but I don't mind.

Honestly, Girls who eat dessert DO have more fun.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in maintaining a certain level of, ahem, fitness - but sometimes you just need a lot of cake. Some girls deny this fact. Boys never deny the need for wings. So why the fuck are we denying the need for cake? "Yoga" pants were not invented for stretching my friends - they were invented for cake binges. I'm up 15 pounds. 15 pounds of PURE LOVE. In a four week span - obscene maybe? - but truly I have had more "Ah Ha Moments" (all hail the church of Oprah) this month than I have had in the past 5 years. In between bathing (in orgasmic cream cheese)
I believe I am coming into the summer a more enlightened person.

First of all...I refuse to surround myself with people who do any less than force me to be a better person. People who bring out the best in me (and vice verse) Sometimes, it's easier to focus on others issues rather than face our own. Sometimes, you try SO hard to fix other peoples problems that you forget this is an impossible task. Sometimes, you just need to take a deep breath and realize you are not a bad person for removing yourself from situations that bring you down.

Second of all, I'm generally not a modest person. Naked Sunday's are part of my religion. What I find interesting, is I actually feel more confident a bit fluffy. When you are not so consumed with having a flat stomach you can do some actual thinking that doesn't involve "Does my ass look fat in this?" Really, I have had the best sex of my life rollin chunky. I don't care who doesn't want to hear that. Self confidence and just accepting things as they are is very powerful thing.

I was watching Piers Morgan the other night - he said, and I quote:

"No man I know likes skinny women. Women get skinny for other women. I say every woman should gain 7 pounds. They would be much happier. Happiness equals more sex. Chunk up and get laid ladies"

Please note, he did say 7 pounds, not 15! but who's counting.

I'm so over the nasty skinny girl syndrome. Come on girls! we are smarter than this. We have more going for us than the size of our jeggings. I don't want to talk about diets, calories or who is hotter than who anymore. I want to talk about things that matter.

Again, I do believe in physical fitness and leading a generally healthy life style. I am in no way saying to eat carrot cake, get fat and get fucked.(excuse me) I'm just saying the constant diet talk gets really old. Not to mention, NO ONE CARES.

Maybe that is why the cake binge began. It was proving to myself that it's ok. No one ever died from consuming too much carrot cake. I'm an intelligent woman. If I'm feeling a tad emotional and only cake will do, then I'm gonna say to hell with It and rock my yoga pants for a while. Spinach will always be in the fridge waiting.

Oh, and in efforts to not waste my delicious May adventure - Here is, in my opinion, the top 5 cake locations in Saint John.

5. The Superstores "Ultimate Carrot Cake" -Note NOT the smaller square version (for some reason that one is not nearly as delish) I mean the REAL CAKE in the display counter...its a double layer and REALLY GOOD.

4. Starbucks Mini Carrot Cake Cupcakes. Cute and fabulous.

3. Urban Deli -- this cake actually has cream cheese marbled through the cake. It is an amazing dessert experience.

2. Britts -- This cake wins for the BEST ICING.

1. Opera Bistro -- This is by FAR my ultimate favorite. It is a FIVE layer. The toasted nuts make me cry. Tell Marg I sent you - it's ridiculous yumzzie.

In closing, I do intend on cutting back a bit on the cake - but I will enjoy it when I feel the need. We control our own feelings, our own happiness and our own lives.

Let's make the best of it.


1 comment:

  1. Why do we not spend more time together PLock? Sometimes I think we're the same person.