I'm unbelievably fortunate these days. Everything is coming up Haley- Kate to the MAX. I should be dancing on tables at KFC singing Marvin Fucking Gaye. A lot of days I really am doing that (in my head) but yesterday I couldn't help thinking...am I really happier? Shit, I think I'm now full of anxiety for not feeling happy ENOUGH. Would this have been an issue 50 years ago? Absofuckinglutely not. FirstWorldWhiteGirlProblems (hashtag)
Last night having ice cream (oreo cheesequake with a scoop of skor half stirred hollaaa) I was listing off all of my "amazing" life news (to one of my besties) annnd it's sort of unbelievable. To give you the gist : Major financial wins, Exciting work opportunities, A luxe beach vacation booked for Christmas, Fulfilling human relations, a home I love not to mention a new A MacBook (and AppleTV!), four closets full of clothes, accessories, jewelry and make-up. A gorgeous new juicer, a stocked wine cellar...
All that AND I'm meditating 20 minutes a day AND I finally cut my long (security blanket) HAIR. So why am I not BURSTING WITH ZEN already?!?! I think It's because I'm too busy trying to multi task and analyze the shit out of everything. Not to mention update my Facebook status, Tweet brilliance, Instagram like a boss and text back 52 of my closest friends.
I think it's also because I'm the opposite of moderate. Maybe. I'm also not really that analytical.
This isn't to say every area of my life is a Disney Princess party. There were many heartbreaking, soul crushing and just generally sucky things that have happened over the past six months. Life is like that.
Finding a balance (and also my actual balance :)) is difficult for me. Right now I'm typing this whilst surrounded by 6 (large) loads of laundry and a staggering (mental) "To Do" list. I'm typing this to avoid the cleaning/list which of course is INSANE because anyone who knows me knows I barely function in a messy house. See now I'm going to start analyzing again. (WHY?) I have a great life. A wonderful life. Some might say blessed.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is : Us First World White Girls need to get a grip.
Ps. Thanks Mom I love my laptop (and my appleTV)