Monday, February 27, 2012

Generally Crazy

A Brownie Batter Blizzard with an extra scoop of Oreo just saved my life.

I went through the drive though, in case my debit card declined so I could drive off quick with my giant cup of batter. Funny. I have managed to lose my credit card TWICE in a week and a half. Bar Tabs are always a bad idea. I had to leave the establishment a voice mail today and felt like the biggest life loser ever. Worse, a co-worker over heard me leaving the message. Awesome. I'm too ashamed to call the credit card company again, as they just replaced the card last week remember, so lets just cross our fingers that it's really just in my purse and my lasik is acting up or something.

Sooo I am happy to announce that all the shiny faced elliptical hogs have finally given up on their resolutions like the rest of us. It's so nice to be back to the gym with all the same old miserable, sweaty regulars. Speaking of giving up, I have whole heartedly failed at not hitting the snooze button, reading 3 different NewZ publishing's and anything and everything else I said I would "do in lieu of 2012" So friggin silly! Who was I kidding? The paper is BORING and makes my fingers black. Gross. I like hitting snooze, it's my morning "warm up" I can't even remember my third thing...Oh I think it was to "date smarter" - that deserves a collective hearty chuckle. Define smarter really? I didn't (really) make that one measurable, so whateves. No Pec Flexers though. That's something. We are only two months in, and I am doing better. Maybe this will be the one I keep.

While on the fitness topic here is a little cardio pet peeve: It never fails I choose the machine beside a "competitive gawker" You know the ones. The ones who legit think it's a competition AND because they are going "faster" than you then that means they are "winning" OK so heres the thing:

1. Every one goes faster than me. E V E R Y O N E. You are not winning. I'm limping for fuck sakes.

2. They are called INTERVALS you stupid, stupid A-hole.



Oh - here is a funny little snippet: So, last week I thought I would mix it up and go to the "other gym". I like to call this one the "sexy gym" as it's a co-ed meat ball extravaganza! (!!!) I am NOT a cute-sy fitness girl. AT ALL. I am there to do my deal, sweat my vag balls off and get outtie. SO I was finishing my cardio, stumbling to get the spray cleaner when this dude goes:

"Wow, good session"

I had my ear buds in (therefor could barely hear him over the pumpin Notorious BIG beats) was like:


Then realized he was referencing the fact that I had a sweaty ass and a purple face and instead of just smiling like a normal person and sayin "Yup!" I thought it was normal to say:

"Oh no, I'm always like this. I'm just generally sweaty"

WHAT?! I'm just generally sweaty?!? (true fact BTW) He gave me this confused smile and made a reference of that being "cute" That ain't cute at all you meatball! I am never going to the sexy gym again. Major flirting fail #972. I wasn't even trying to be funny. I'm just generally sweaty ok?

Ugh, and while on the topic of Fails...Remember I have minorly rear ended two vehicles in the past month?!?! One was in the K-Penny Ferry line up. It was dark. I was half dressed - I mean this is at 6am. Every one gets dressed in their car right?!? So that...sucked.

Well, I think it's about time to change into my naked and watch the Bachelor. This makes me happy and a bit sad. I need to find a room mate ASAP (to fund my generally irresponsible nature) Hmmm, I suppose this is me being RESPONSIBLE. It's just unfortunate that it is socially unacceptable to change into your naked with room mates. Unless they are the naked kind of room mate of course. Hmmm...

That would be "dating smarter" right?

Sleep tight! XO

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Are you... my Boo?

I'm having one of those Sunday nights that make you want to curl up and never go back to work, put on pants or really do ANYTHING that involves leaving your comfy, cozy bed.

I should be AMPED considering Psychological Spring is right around the corner. I should also be happily filling out my V-Tines (yes I do that at 31.5 years of age) but that seems like too much work. I should also be paying my bills, doing laundry, washing my dirty floor or even calling my Mother back, but that also seems like too much work. Even typing this is a bit laboring. I might have to just over dose on my $75 worth of Wal-Mart chocolate.

Is it too soon to say "over dose?"


Soooo...not long ago someone asked me if I had "a family" When I realized she meant one of "my own" (aka not my own Mom and Dad!) it struck me as HORRIFYING. Am I really that old? (yes!) Worse, do I look like someones mother?! (considering I never sleep, PROBABLY) Or almost WORSE someones WIFE? (no, definitely not)


I know that shouldn't be worse, but it seems worse to me. No offence to all you wonderful mothers and wives out there. I am sure you look at me and think "I would never want to be that single girl" and that's fine. I think the point, I am half heartedly, trying to make is:

Maybe what I thought I always wanted I don't actually want.

Honestly, that is pretty terrifying. You grow up thinking I am going to grow up, have a wonderful career, meet a gorgeous man, have beautiful babies and live happily ever after.

Then life happens.

I think I still want these things, but I certainly know these things are not going to make me "happy"

I am "happy" NOW.

I often feel like some of my married up friends cannot believe this is actually possible, but I have no desire to go home and "make supper" or have pre planned "date nights" That to me is scarier than being alone and even maybe infertile.

Then there are the people who think that I am just "making the best of an unfortunate situation" - These ones should be in line to die first. I believe it is more of a "Small Town" attitude, Not that I am "Big City" by ANY stretch, but lets not get off topic.

Just because I don't have a significant other or drooly off-spring does not make me less than you. It also doesn't mean there is anything "wrong" with me (although some may beg to differ) and on Valentines day I don't want ANY sympathy. I can pretty much guarantee my day will be spectacular, and if it isn't - I have no one to blame but myself. Isn't that true for every day anyway?

I'm not saying I don't WANT to meet a wonderful man. Let's not get silly here. I actually have met quite a few - However, when I actually end up dating one (for longer than 2.4 seconds) you will not hear me say "He makes me so happy" or "I finally feel complete" or "I just didn't realize what I was missing" because that just isn't so. I love living my own life, doing exactly what I want - all of the time, if that is what I want - at that time.

I have taken the time to realize what makes ME happy. It isn't someone else. Do I think someone (who also knows what makes them happy alone) would be a nice addition? absolutely.

I feel like this is turning into a cranky feminist after school special. That was not my intention. Everyone knows I ain't no feminist. Although, I sort of wish I was...

I have also given up on the notion I will one day feel like "a grown up" That whole thing is a myth. Sort of like the Tooth Fairy. We get older, but never really "grow up" To me this is a happy realization. My point being: Expect Valentines for the next 50 years.

Love & Kisses,