Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Greasy Goodness

Phycological Spring is near my friends!

I woke up this mornin with a goofy grin, mad sexy bed head and a glorious tingle in my ankle.

February 14th is my Phycological Spring- for those not in the know. Every year on such day my brain shuts out Winter and has a proverbial Luau. It can snow 50 feet on February 15th and I ain't mad at it. It's Spring biotch! It has been this way for as long as I can remember. It helps that my Mom always made a HUGE deal outta Valentines Day. I really don't understand all you haters. I get that it's totally a commercial money grab - but so is EVERY holiday - including your stupid birthday (that no one really cares about) - so get over it. If you are single then get over that too and buy yourself some fucking chocolate. In fact, because V-Day/Phyc. Spring is my favorite day of the year (other than my birthday of course-ha) I get lots of gifts. So take a hint from Misses Lova and mark it on your calender as Phyc. Spring - It'll change your life.

Moving on, I have appointed a new "uniform" It's a fleecy hot pink, off the shoulder, knee length number that makes the "Red Suit" (old uniform) look LuLu Lemon-esque (?) Sportin bed head and new uni I decided to make bacon n eggs this morning. Whats better than THAT on a hump day right? (other than actual humping but lets not go there) The lyrical genius - Ray Lamontagne is the mid week soundtrack. Do y'all do that? Like have certain songs that just flow through your mind all day and they sorta mold or define the day? Like yesterday was a mix of JayZ and Michael Bolton. Not one of my better days.

So, makin bacon. Previous viewers have commented on how weird it is I don't have a "grease tin" I always pour it into a mug. I empty it later in the day and then put it in the dishwasher. Why keep a disgusting tin or bottle or whatever you normal people use under the sink? I have been enlightened. I was rockin (right OUT) to Ray's rendition of "Crazy" (appropriate) on my fourth cup of coffee when I mistakenly swigged the mug of grease. EPIC ERROR. It dribbled down my chin and everything. I was able to hack half of it in the sink. Thankfully, Earley was my only witness and I KNOW he was laughing. Then again he loves bacon fat so maybe not? To make the situation that much awesomeerr I had a chemical peel yesterday (I know I know) and am not aloud to wash my face (with soap) till tomorrow. Eau de bacon fat anyone?

It actually tasted kinda good. So whatevs. 4 more days!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

and so I

Sooo I tried the Tim Hortons breakfast "Samich" on an english muffin and it honestly kicked the the muff? Highly recommend. Actually, if we are on the topic of breakfast "samiches" the biggest thing I miss about being uptown on the daily is Java Moose. Their bacon n egg on a faccotia (yes I am such a bad speller that the checker won't pick up my guess) is delightful.

I was a Winter Spectator Extraordinaire (coinin and capitalizin) yesterday. Yup. True story. Hockey boys are cute right? Lily Lake was colder than you know what. Considering I had literally no sleep the night before I think that was a good thing.

Well, and while we are on THAT topic, I do think this is worth mentioning. So picture this. Local pub. Sober. Packed. The crowd was um, unsavory? to say the least. ANYWAY - watchin some chill live tunes (key word is chill) These two intensely intoxicated "chix" were trying to make out with the singer. Like tongue kiss. While he was performing! I don't really get awkward but I couldn't watch. We's be ridin dirty tonight! My Wing-woman went to point out (like literally) to "chix" that one was about to trip over a chord (in her 5 inch Payless special) and of course they thought we were bitchin them out. I guess we secretly WERE, but really we didn't want her to fall (well actually, I did, but my friends are a lot nicer than me) Then it got really awkward cause I thought there was gonna be a fight... there wasn't.

The night progressed. I don't wanna get into the "deets" but it sorta ended with Winger looking me dead in the face (not eye) and giving the best advice I have received to date: "Remember he's drunk and you're classy" Now for those of you who don't know the actual story this probably leads you in a direction I don't want you to take. The "drunk" is not really a random. There's a story however none the less, I left classy.

So after all that, why no sleep? I got home at 3, and then couldn't get my gosh darned boot off. It took the better part of 30 minutes to "kick" it off. Then I was so hyped up over my personal victory (ahem, and not with the boot) I didn't go to sleep till 5am. I don't wanna say FML but F-M-L....

So yes, tired, cold, hockey. Winter Spectator Extraordinaire. My favorite part was when this dude referenced using his "cup" to serve guacamole in for the Superbowl. So sick. So funny. Funnier is the entire "situation" There is so much I could say in reference to "the situation" however the Internet is not known for keeping secrets. Howwwever, let me just put this out there: It ain't no secret - THE GIG IS UP (or wait is it, JIG?)

On the subject of keeping secrets...I really gotta learn to shut the eff UP. Sometimes too much info is just too much info...mystery is not my specialty. Why do I feel the need to throw EVERYTHING out there but then not REALLY throw ANYTHING out there? That thought, mixed with freezing ass cold made me thirsty. Really thirsty.

Onto the next event. Curling. Multiple beverages. Very exciting - spectating that is. Spent the better part of the night making fun of this poor girl with a very unfortunate sweater....and face. Hell is gonna be so much fun. I mean I was really laughing with her. I have many unfortunate "uniforms" and faces...hmm.... Spent the other half of the night discussing the unfortunate social folly that is THE tramp stamp. This will be another blog entirely.

I'm not sure how to wrap this all up. My take aways from the past few days are:

1. Tim Horton trumps Ronald McDonald wit da egg burgers.
2. I'm classy
3. I will no longer purchase high boots that are not equipped with zippers
4. Body language. Social queues. Sometimes the eyes are louder than the mouth.
5. #4 is not supposed to be profound. If you think it is, never talk to me again, or what I really mean is date me. Or what I really mean is.....
6. Any article of clothing that has a duck and/or tree's and/or looks like it fit you 5o lbs ago is not cool. Just don't do it. Thats what I really mean.